Howdy Family,

I’ve been battling a lack of trust. Trust in my decisions, my movements, my moments and muses. My mind melting memories into melodies and rupturing consequences from blisters I didn’t notice. Or perhaps I felt the friction building and ignored it because my desire for momentum was greater than the pain.

So I kept moving. Completing my tasks and to do lists, but slowly losing clarity of the why. Oh why oh why do we need the “why?” It’s the lawnmower that keeps our path free from weeds. It’s the microfiber blanket that cleans your glasses. You can only go so long without it before the “weeds get higher than the garden” or your lenses are so muddied with fingerprints you can’t tell the difference between the on ramp and off ramp.

I’m not lazy, but tell that to my frustrated superego, watching this body smack snooze for the sixth time, the seventh morning in a row. His words are fiery. “Lazy! Unmotivated! Unproductive!” He’s quick to labels. “Once you label me, you negate me,” I’m reminded by Kierkegaard. I want to be less judgmental toward myself. I’m reminded, “Treat yourself the way you want others to be treated.”

Last night I went to see one of my favorite bands, Of Montreal. I met new friends, listened to new bands, drank overpriced beer, and danced in a sardine tin with my fins flailing. I was up until 2AM. Not my usual routine. I’m a morning person. Like, up before the sun kind of morning person. But not recently. That whole unmotivated side that’s been snoozing on the stained burnt yellow rubber weaved lawn chair by the pool with a water noodle and a strawberry daiquiri. But today I’m up. I didn’t beat the sun, but I kept to my 7 hour limit. I’m cloudy with more, delirious with less. Something about 7 hours feels pristine. Microfiber blanket on dirty lenses.

I want to use my life to the greatest good. Use my days to their greatest potential. Maybe I am too hard on myself sometimes. Maybe I expect more from myself than I am able to give, but I don’t think so. There’s so much more depth to me, this world, and me within this world than I am even close to realizing. But the more time I spend mindful of my world, the more roses bloom through the weeds and the farther down the road I can see.

I finish this post sitting in Sisters, a very cute Brooklyn coffee shop. Very vintage. Very kitschy. Very millennial. I’m a sucker for a good bathroom sign, and this oneis top notch. When I ramble through my day today, I want to remember that picture of the different bodies sharing a mind. Our thoughts and wants are so much closer to each other than we realize. It is through being open, listening and learning from our brothers and sisters perspectives that we’ll find the common ground we all seek. Listen, learn, and love this week and the next and for the hundreds more to come.

Until next time, your loving son and brother, 

tell me what you're up to too: teppersaffren@gmail.com

P.S. If you know anyone who you think would appreciate this kind of fortnight feed, please share my newsletter and ask them to join the family.

Journal Thoughts
A private entry from the past, this week picked by the multi-talented director, actor, artist Ari Conte.

11/13/15
"We like what others like because we like them. Can an audience be fooled to like sh*t to keep on better terms with their friends?" 
(Thought while walking through an Andy Warhol exhibit.)

Featured Fortnight Artist: September Eighteenths

September Eighteenths is a two man indie band based out of NYC. Jackson Perrin (my former roommate and current heartthrob) and Chase Crandall (who is working his way up to bench pressing a buffalo) are the members of this vocals focused band with roots in folk, singer-songwriter, pop, and rock genres. Go check out their Spotify, Facebook, and Instagram pages and you'll find yourself entranced by their music. My personal favorite is "Slowing Down" and I'm sure you're soon to find your favorite as well! Be sure to follow them because they are planning a Northeast US tour in July!

Tepper's Two-Cents

1¢ — Cultivating harmlessness. This is our next step to being genuinely kind and trustworthy folk. If we can earnestly wish no harm or foul to our neighbors, they’ll sense a safety within you. It can’t be faked, it can only be practiced and trained. The reward is deeper connections and more open communication. Plus sometimes you get a couch to sleep on when you’re sick of sleeping on the hammock in your van. Just me?

2¢ — Get all your ducks in a row! You’ve got too many ducks running around your head, quacking up your serenity, pounding their feet, asking for feeding priority. Once you put them in an eating order, they’ll calm down and remain orderly. Well, at least until they forget their order and start to meander and by golly you’ve just got to put them right back in that row.